Chapter 8 - WHEN MICHAEL HEARD
Michael found out two months later.
Not from me.
From Cara.
Of course.
We were all at my graduation rehearsal picnic when she said:
“Ethan has two dads now.”
I nearly choked.
Michael’s expression froze.
Ray looked uncomfortable.
Cara kept eating potato chips.
Michael asked:
“What does that mean?”
She answered with nine-year-old efficiency.
“He calls Ray Dad sometimes.”
Silence.
I wanted to disappear.
Then Michael stood.
“Excuse me.”
He walked toward the parking lot.
I followed.
“Michael.”
He stopped.
“You call him Dad.”
“Sometimes.”
He nodded.
“Okay.”
It was not okay.
I could see that.
“I’m not doing it to hurt you.”
“I know.”
“Ray didn’t ask.”
“I know.”
“Then say what you’re thinking.”
He turned.
“I’m thinking I’m your father.”
“You are.”
“And he’s Dad.”
“Sometimes.”
Michael laughed bitterly.
“Great.”
I became angry.
“Do not do this.”
“What?”
“Make me manage your feelings about something you caused.”
That stopped him.
I continued.
“You were gone.”
“Ray wasn’t.”
“That does not mean I don’t want you.”
“It means words grew around the relationships that actually existed.”
Michael looked away.
For a long time, neither of us spoke.
Then:
“Do you ever call me Dad?”
“Sometimes in my head.”
He looked at me.
I had never admitted that.
“When?”
“When you came to my meet.”
“When you remembered my chemistry final.”
“When you stopped trying to outspend Ray.”
“When you texted me before my driving test.”
His eyes filled.
“I don’t know why it gets stuck.”
“Maybe because you want it too much.”
He laughed through tears.
“That sounds like something a therapist says.”
“It’s something Mom says.”
“Worse.”
We both smiled.
Then I said:
“If it happens, it happens.”
“You can’t demand it.”
He nodded.
“I know.”
May you like
This time, I believed him.
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