Chapter 4 - WHAT LUCY REMEMBERED
Nobody interrogated Lucy.
That mattered to me.
A child forensic interviewer named Dr. Elise Warren met her in a room with toys, crayons, and cameras behind glass.
I watched from another room with Ortiz.
Lucy drew a purple horse.
Talked about school.
Her best friend.
A science project.
Then Dr. Warren asked about medicine.
Lucy’s hand slowed.
“Dad gave me stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“I don't know.”
“Was it medicine?”
“Sometimes he said it was.”
“What did it taste like?”
Lucy frowned.
“Bad.”
No details beyond that.
We did not need them.
“When did he give it to you?”
“When Mom wasn't there.”
I covered my mouth.
“What did he tell you?”
“That if I told Mom, she'd worry too much.”
Dr. Warren waited.
“Anything else?”
Lucy whispered:
“He said Mom gets crazy when she’s scared.”
I closed my eyes.
Gavin had been preparing Lucy not to trust me.
Long before I understood why.
“Did he ever tell you why you got sick?”
“He said I had a weak stomach.”
“Did you believe him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you now?”
Lucy shook her head.
Then she said something that broke me.
“I thought my body was bad.”
I cried silently.
My daughter believed her own body was betraying her.
Not her father.
Dr. Warren remained calm.
“Who told you that?”
“Nobody.”
“How did you decide?”
“Because everybody else ate food and was okay.”
I had spent months asking doctors what was wrong with Lucy.
Maybe nothing had been wrong with her body at all.
She had been surviving what someone else was doing.
After the interview, Lucy ran into my arms.
“Can we go home?”
“Yes.”
In the car, she asked:
“Is Dad bad?”
I took a breath.
I had rehearsed this with her therapist.
“Your dad did dangerous things.”
“That means bad.”
“People are more complicated than one word.”
“Do I have to love him?”
“No.”
“Do I have to hate him?”
“No.”
She looked out the window.
“Good.”
May you like
That was enough.
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