Chapter 8 - MONICA AND EVA
The hardest question was not what happened to Monica.
It was what I told our daughter.
Eva loved her mother.
That did not disappear because Monica had committed terrible acts.
Children do not reorganize attachment as neatly as court filings.
Eva asked:
“When is Mommy coming home?”
I sat beside her bed.
“I don’t know.”
“Is she in trouble?”
“Yes.”
“Because she hit me?”
“Partly.”
Her eyes filled.
“Because Aunt Lily was under the floor?”
“Yes.”
“Did Mommy put her there?”
I wanted to protect her.
For a second, I almost lied.
Then I remembered the entire family history.
Secrets disguised as protection.
“Yes.”
Eva started crying.
“Why?”
“I don’t know everything Mommy was thinking.”
“Is Mommy bad?”
There it was.
I took her hands.
“Mommy did very bad things.”
“That’s different?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
I thought carefully.
“People are more than one thing. You can love someone and still need to be safe from choices they make.”
Eva looked confused.
That was okay.
Six-year-olds are allowed incomplete answers.
Then she asked:
“Does Mommy love me?”
I believed she did.
“Yes.”
“But she hit me.”
“Yes.”
Eva stared down.
“Then love doesn’t stop people doing bad things.”
My throat tightened.
“No.”
“That’s why rules matter.”
She looked at me.
“And telling?”
“Yes.”
“And Aunt Lily?”
“Aunt Lily gets to be safe too.”
Eva nodded.
Then:
“Can she sleep in my room?”
Lily was in the doorway.
She started crying.
“No, tiny dictator.”
Eva smiled.
“Why?”
“Because you kick.”
May you like
For the first time in weeks, the house sounded like home.
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