Chapter 7 - THE ROOM I FINALLY OPENED
I returned to my apartment four months after the flight.
Not to live there.
To pack.
I had delayed because the nursery remained impossible.
Matteo offered movers.
I said no.
He offered security.
I accepted one man downstairs.
Progress worked both ways.
Teresa came.
My mother-in-law.
We packed the kitchen first.
Then Luca’s clothes.
We argued about his sweaters.
Cried over an old grocery list.
Avoided the nursery until sunset.
Finally Teresa stood at the door.
“Elena.”
“I know.”
I opened it.
The smell was gone.
That hurt.
For months the room had smelled faintly like baby lotion.
Now only dust.
Two empty cribs.
Nico’s fox.
Leo’s blue blanket.
I sat on the floor.
Teresa beside me.
We did not pack immediately.
We told stories.
Nico once sneezed milk across Luca’s shirt.
Leo slept only when the vacuum ran.
The boys became children again instead of victims.
That was important.
I found a photograph behind one crib.
Luca holding both babies.
His face exhausted.
Happy.
On the back:
THE BEST THING WE EVER DID.
I cried until my chest hurt.
Then packed it.
One object at a time.
No dramatic cleansing.
I kept both blankets.
Donated most clothes.
Stored the cribs with Teresa because I could not decide.
Indecision was allowed.
Matteo arrived only after I texted.
I had not expected myself to invite him.
He stood in the hallway.
“Come in.”
He did.
First time in the nursery.
He looked at the two cribs.
His face changed.
“I’m sorry.”
I nodded.
Then handed him the blue music box.
The card had been removed and preserved as evidence.
The box itself was mine again.
“Take it.”
He frowned.
“No.”
“For Mila.”
“Elena.”
“Luca gave it to our boys.”
“I know.”
“And it carried evidence that helped protect your daughter.”
He looked at me.
“I can't.”
“Why?”
“Because it belongs to them.”
That nearly broke me.
He understood.
I sat.
“Then keep it safe until I know what to do.”
That he accepted.
Temporary.
Not taking.
Holding.
There is a difference.
A week later, I moved into a smaller apartment near my new job.
Not Matteo’s home.
Not Teresa’s.
Mine.
One bedroom.
Sunlight.
No nursery.
I bought a green couch.
Terrible.
Matteo hated it.
“You're not invited to criticize furniture.”
“I am sitting on it.”
“Then suffer.”
Mila visited with him.
That was how our relationship changed.
Not dates at first.
Visits.
Coffee.
Baby on the rug.
Two exhausted adults talking about dead spouses and tax accountants.
Very glamorous.
One night Mila fell asleep on my chest.
Matteo looked at me.
“She's too attached.”
“To me?”
“Yes.”
“Are you worried?”
“Yes.”
Honest.
“Why?”
“What if you leave?”
There it was.
Not mafia control.
A frightened father.
I understood.
“I might.”
His jaw tightened.
“I know.”
“People can leave and still matter.”
He looked toward Mila.
“I hate that.”
“Most people do.”
“I can protect her from almost anything.”
“No.”
He looked at me.
I continued.
“You can reduce risk.”
“That's different.”
“Nadia died.”
“My boys died.”
“Your money didn't stop either.”
“Neither did my nursing experience.”
His face tightened.
“This is a terrible conversation.”
“Yes.”
“But true.”
“Yes.”
He looked at Mila.
“What do I teach her?”
“That loving somebody is worth doing even when it doesn't create a guarantee.”
He became quiet.
Then:
“Did you practice that?”
“No.”
“I hate it.”
“Good.”
He smiled.
Months later, he asked me to dinner without Mila.
An actual date.
I stared.
“Are you sure you know how?”
“No.”
Good answer.
We went to a neighborhood restaurant.
No private room.
One security man outside.
Matteo complained.
I ignored him.
At the end he asked:
“May I kiss you?”
I froze.
Not because I didn't want him to.
Because the first time a man asked permission after Luca, the world split into before and after.
“Yes.”
He kissed me.
Gentle.
Then stopped.
I cried.
Again.
Matteo looked horrified.
“I’m terrible at this.”
“No.”
“Then why—”
“Because I loved him.”
His face softened.
“I know.”
“And I love my boys.”
“I know.”
“Kissing you doesn't reduce that.”
“No.”
I looked at him.
“You really believe that?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
He swallowed.
May you like
“Because loving Mila did not reduce Nadia.”
That was when I kissed him back.
